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8/20/2008

Barack Obama is a Frrrrgggh Sheneffff

Guest editorial by
a Drunk Guy at the end of the bar

Listen - LISTEN!!!! You godamned frggglersters and shit better just LISTEN UP. MMpph!

Barack Obama is a Ffrrrrgggh sheneffff, thass for damned sure.

That's what I'm talking about over here, but you and your thinks-she's-all-klobbyhardy and shit fucking smirking SMIRKING, I'll wipe that smile off your fuzzlereedypocker, that's what!

Maybe that John McCain is a certiffff war hermmmmmmm... and shit. But Bark Obrammer can kinnnnnnnn mmmpppph. Sure, sure, sure, SURE! You don't know nothing. NOTHING! Like I'd 'spect you to say different. And shit. Sittin' there, Mr. Laughin' Guy, thinks he's so funny and mmmpppphhh.

And shit.

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# posted by Subcomandante Bob : 8:55 PM  0 comments

8/13/2008

Opinion: Morgan Freeman is a Very Non-Threatening Black Man

Guest editorial by Susan Philips,
customer service representative

In my line of work I come across more than a few black men who are downright scary at times. I mean, it's not just the "call back later, bitch" and the "ain't nobody named 'James' staying here" that worry me. Heck - in phone work you're lucky when people don't threaten to kill you.

I'm talking about the black men who look like they would think nothing of pawing and fondling a defenseless and innocent woman like me, and I must say that Morgan Freeman is nothing like that.

You see, I could never imagine Morgan Freeman crawling over to my desk and sliding his tongue up my leg and licking my lady parts while I am on the phone, unlike that Carl Killiam in accounting. Why, every time he looks at me I can see that he's thinking of nothing but filling my hoo-ha with that 15-inch thingy of his.

And Morgan Freeman would never stoop so low as to bend me over a desk and ride me doggy-style, keeping the freak going for an hour. I just know that this is the only thing on the mind of our janitor, Marvin, who looks like he spends all of his time thinking of how to get me alone in the copier room so I would have to swallow his manhood and slurp that throbbing gristle like a Thanksgiving turkey gizzard.

No, Morgan Freeman is a gentleman, the kind of man who wouldn't try to rip off my mini skirt and have sex with me in the women's bathroom, using the hand lotion to help drill me hard up the you-know-what. That's why they always cast him as God, because God would not be scheming of ways to slip me whiskey, get me drunk, and slide his schlong in and out of my bazongas until that icky stuff shot all over my face.

Ewww - not my Morgan.

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# posted by Subcomandante Bob : 8:30 PM  1 comments
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