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Study: East-Siders Prone to Inbreeding, Low IQs

Toledo, OH) A study conducted by the American Institute for Regional Development depicted East Toledoans in an unfavorable light.

Among the findings: east-siders were eleven times more likely than those on the west side of the river to be inbred.

East side residents also fared poorly on standardized IQ tests, averaging 40 points below their counterparts across the Maumee River.

Bill Worley, president of Eastsiders Against The Malicious Equivocation (EATME), took issue with the findings.

“This study was obviously funded by west side developers looking to cash in on depressed property values,” he said. “Besides, they are just a bunch of pootie-heads.”

Worley objected to the study’s sample size.

“They only surveyed 100 people, and 30 of them were from the McKenzies, who live in 2 houses on Pratt Street,” he said, referencing a colorful local family.

Toledo Mayor Jack Ford was also unhappy about the study.

“Everyone in Toledo counts, and it doesn’t matter if their moms are also their sisters,” he said. “This is a tolerant and accepting community.”

Worley had a few choice words for west-siders.

“If you think you’re so smart, how come you’re wearing socks with long pants?” he asked. “Ain’t nobody going to see them.”

That is just wrong.
wat is rong is that it's not nice to pial on a kulcher that lives in harmoney and joy. We are a proud bunch of fokes and we ain't wannin any peepo driving down the street starin, ok? thank you.
This is funny; ya'll need to lighten up.
We uzually lighten up after wade breaks out his sigerates that he gets from the beer store on oak st.
I'm from the East Side, Beavis.
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