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County To Accept Monopoly Tokens, Sticky Nametages As Valid ID

(Toledo, OH) Fresh from their victory in legislating the acceptance of Mexican matricula consular ID cards, Lucas County commissioners Pete Gerken and Tina Skeldon Wozniak expanded their efforts to make the county more inclusive.

Beginning September 1, virtually all known forms of identification will become valid, said Gerken.

"One of the most recognized symbols of ID is the Monopoly token," said the commissioner, holding a pewter horse. "We will reach out to the gaming community, and help disenfranchised gamers get access to county services."

Skeldon Wozniak held up a convention nametag as an additional example of ID that will now be accepted by the county.

"When you are at a seminar, the best way for people to know who you ae is with one of these," she said, peeling a label from her jacket. "Besides, you can make cute little smiley faces on them and make new friends, too!"

Local welfare recipient Manny Fitzgerald appreciated the commissioners' efforts.

"This is fucking great, man," he said, showing a handful of Monopoly tokens. "I used to have to steal licenses and shit to get extra checks, and that was a lot of work. This makes it much easier for me to do my thing, and gives me more time to party."

What a terrific satire. If only it weren't so close to the truth!
This is too close to the truth. Gerken and Wozniak would do anything for future votes, or to please their backers.
What about those cool ID badges you used to get with the Junior Cop Starter Set, which also included palstic gun, handcuffs, and bitchin' patrolman's hat?

Will that work, too?
They only voted to accept the Mexican ID cards, nothing else.
You don't know that as fact. Were you there? Hmmmm?

I do have one question. Will I be able to buy a Blah...gaa...paper for a beer chip from the old "Rally by the River" now?
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