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Deportation Nightmare Strikes Toledo Family

Left: Flippy and the Wilmingtons in happier days

(Toledo, OH) The Wilmington family on Knapp Street faces one of its biggest challenges ever, as a cherished family member is being forcibly deported.

Due to recent incontinence issues, Flippy the dog is being permanently relocated to exterior quarters, said immigration authority spokesman John Wilmington.

"That damn dog has pissed on the carpet for the last time," he muttered, leading the chocolate lab outside.

Family member Jeremy Wilmington expressed unhappiness with the immigration decision.

"Flippy never bothered anyone!" he exclaimed. "Flippy will miss us if he has to stay outside!"

Assistant immigration director Barb Wilmington expressed regret, but said the agency had no other options.

"Look, Flippy knew what the residency conditions were, and he chose not to follow them," she said. "We had no choice but to deport him."

Jeremy, Ashley, and Tricia Wilmington plan to hold a vigil for the beleaguered Flippy, which will consist of midnight deliveries of smuggled Milkbones until the immigration issues are settled.

Dogs rule.
Poor Fliipy. It's terrible what big government does.
I am house-trained and I don't jump on the furniture, although I am a shedder.

Can I take Flippy's place?

The bastards I live with now are too busy trying to whore me out to another movie producer.
BAD DOG, Benji!

(beats pooch with a wing-tipped shoe)
That's mean. Benji is a cute dog.
Benji is actually, like, four fucking dogs. The first film was made in 1973, which would make Benji #1 about 35 (assuming he was a spry three at the time of the filming).

That would be a couple of centuries in dog years.
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