8/17/2005
Governor Taft Admits Further Ethics Violations
(Columbus, OH) Embattled Ohio governor Bob Taft held a tearful press conference several hours ago, and confessed to additional breaches of integrity.
"About six years ago, I placed these ball-point pens in my briefcase after a seminar," said the remorseful governor. "I never declared this on my annual disclosure statements."
Taft continued to delineate his ethical lapses.
"Also, about seven years ago I stayed at a Motel 6 near Ashtabula, and I took all the little soaps and mini-shampoos," he said, adding that he has also snagged the occasional Giddeon's Bible. "I have let down the voters in my state."
The governor said that he would accept the decisions of the various courts.
"Oh - I almost forgot," he said. "I always fill my pockets with those red-and-white mints whenever I eat out. I love those goddamn little mints!"
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You'd think they could find something worse than a few rounds of golf with Taft, as crooked as he is.
But anonymous, he callously took those red and white mint things. That Taft guy is a methodical small-item taker THIEF! I'm OUTRAGED!!
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