Toledo Tales

(Oregon, OH) Oregon City Council meets Wednesday night to consider an agreement with Toledo to share tax revenues from the proposed US Coking facility.

The agreement means that the plant will qualify for more than $30-million in federal tax credits.

Toledo Mayor Jack Ford is pleased with the long-term benefits of the deal.

"Hundreds of good-paying jobs will come to the area," he said, wiping his nose. "Plus, high-grade blow will be easily available, instead of having to wait all night for my man Lil' G to get his lazy ass over and deliver the shit."

Analysts predicted the city's estimated 21,000 crack addicts will also profit from the agreement. Street-level prices for crack are expected to drop 50% over the next three years.


Left: local resident "Tweaky" is excited about the plant

"This is frigging awesome," said a user named Tweaky. "This is totally....hey man, why are you staring at me?!? Get that motherf***ing camera outta my face, asshole!"

Local dealers, however, may balk at the arrangement, since wholesale and retail prices will drop. One street-level veteran, however, predicted that business will rebound.

"Look, they are f**ing cokeheads," said "Brick," a local dealer. "They spend every f***ing nickel they have, right? They will still be calling me at 6 AM on Tuesday trying to get me to give them an 8-ball for some jewelry they stole from their roommates."