.comment-link {margin-left:.6em;}


Proposal To Rename Toledo As "Blockville"

(Toledo, OH) The midwestern industrial city of Toledo may have a new moniker if a proposal to rename the city is passed.

The submitted legislation would rename the city "Blockville" in honor of the Block family, who control much of Toledo and publish the Toledo Blade.

Mayor Jack Ford acquiesced to the proposal.

"Look, they own half the politicians and a big chunk of the major media anyways," he sighed. "This just makes official what everybody already knows."

Block Communications president Allan Block praised the move.

"Controlling the name of the city provides BCI with a key component of total market dominance in every facet of Toledo life," he said, smoothing the wrinkles in his brown shirt. "We will now begin to move ahead with our master plan."

BCI, which owns Buckeye Cablevision, Buckeye Express Internet, Buckeye Telesystem, and Corporate Protection Services, sees growth potential in many other Toledo industries.

"We will next enter the grocery market, so that Toledoans will have to not only rely on us for what to think, but what to eat as well," said Block, adjusting an armband and saluting his lieutenants. "After that, we will target the regional water systems, so that these bastards can't even flush a toilet without BCI making money."

Opponents to the plan were interviewed by Toledo Tales, but were silenced with Blockville municipal court injunctions before their statements could be printed.

Blade publisher John Robinson Block agreed with these judicial actions.

"Yes, it's important for Toledo/Blockville to speak with one voice and all that. Hey - I had a purple-colored yoyo here a minute ago," he fretted. "I love my yoyo - which one of you sons-of-a-bitch took my yoyo? I swear to God, I'll kick your asses if I don't get my yoyo back!"

Blockville® is a registered trademark, and may not be used without permission. Except by us, since we stole it, and pay little attention to legal crap like this anyways.

Uh oh - stirring up a hornets' nest is never a good idea, Yogi.
You are so brave Bob, I hope you remembered to put on your "blockguard" this morning.

Don't fergit yer "Block Cup" either.

JRB's personal "little people" brigade/enforcers will swarm over you faster than an oompa-loompa on a caffine jag....
This is too close to truth...
Now, just wait a minute, here. That interview never happened like you described.

It was an orange yoyo, and I called them f***ing a**holes.

Get the facts straight, Bob, like my paper does. Got it?
Got it, John.

Go take your Lithium, OK?
I agree that this is so true that it's almost not funny.
I like yoyos too. Can JRB come out and play, Mrs. Block?
Still looking for my motherf*****g yoyo. You'd better give it back, or I will rat you out in my paper.
Thouroughly enjoyed reading your "The Onion" style blogaroos Bob!
Hey Blockhead:
Bob McClosky stole your yoyo.
Post a Comment

Links to this post:

Create a Link

<< Home
Copyright 2007, Toledo Tales ® . Unauthorized duplication prohibited, but feel free to link away. This is a satirical newspaper, and many of these stories are fictional. You have to guess which ones are faked. Toledo Tales ® uses invented names in its stories, except when public figures are being satirized, or when we post a real story. Any other use of real names is accidental and coincidental. Subcomandante Bob once got jiggy with your mom, and she does things in bed that would shock you, dude. The content of this website is the property of Toledo Tales ® and its authors, and may not be reprinted or retransmitted in whole or in part without the expressed written consent of the publisher. Toledo Tales ® is not designed for readers under 18 years of age. FAIR USE NOTICE: This site contains copyrighted material the use of which has not always been specifically authorized by the copyright owner. We are making such material available in our efforts to advance understanding of environmental, political, human rights, economic, democracy, scientific, and social justice issues, sustainable development, environmental, community and worker health, democracy, public disclosure, corporate accountability, and social justice issues, mostly because hot college women are also interested in the same issues. Go figure. Anyways, we believe this constitutes a "fair use" of any such copyrighted material as provided for in section 107 of the US Copyright Law. In accordance with Title 17 U.S.C. Section 107, the material on this site is distributed without fee or payment of any kind to those who have expressed a prior interest in receiving the included information for research and educational purposes, except when you are using it to get laid. If you wish to use copyrighted material from this site for purposes of your own that go beyond 'fair use', you must obtain permission from the copyright owner.

This page is powered by Blogger. Isn't yours?