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8/22/2005

Proposal To Rename Toledo As "Blockville"


(Toledo, OH) The midwestern industrial city of Toledo may have a new moniker if a proposal to rename the city is passed.

The submitted legislation would rename the city "Blockville" in honor of the Block family, who control much of Toledo and publish the Toledo Blade.

Mayor Jack Ford acquiesced to the proposal.

"Look, they own half the politicians and a big chunk of the major media anyways," he sighed. "This just makes official what everybody already knows."

Block Communications president Allan Block praised the move.

"Controlling the name of the city provides BCI with a key component of total market dominance in every facet of Toledo life," he said, smoothing the wrinkles in his brown shirt. "We will now begin to move ahead with our master plan."

BCI, which owns Buckeye Cablevision, Buckeye Express Internet, Buckeye Telesystem, and Corporate Protection Services, sees growth potential in many other Toledo industries.

"We will next enter the grocery market, so that Toledoans will have to not only rely on us for what to think, but what to eat as well," said Block, adjusting an armband and saluting his lieutenants. "After that, we will target the regional water systems, so that these bastards can't even flush a toilet without BCI making money."

Opponents to the plan were interviewed by Toledo Tales, but were silenced with Blockville municipal court injunctions before their statements could be printed.

Blade publisher John Robinson Block agreed with these judicial actions.

"Yes, it's important for Toledo/Blockville to speak with one voice and all that. Hey - I had a purple-colored yoyo here a minute ago," he fretted. "I love my yoyo - which one of you sons-of-a-bitch took my yoyo? I swear to God, I'll kick your asses if I don't get my yoyo back!"


Blockville® is a registered trademark, and may not be used without permission. Except by us, since we stole it, and pay little attention to legal crap like this anyways.

Comments:
Uh oh - stirring up a hornets' nest is never a good idea, Yogi.
 
You are so brave Bob, I hope you remembered to put on your "blockguard" this morning.

:-)
 
Don't fergit yer "Block Cup" either.

JRB's personal "little people" brigade/enforcers will swarm over you faster than an oompa-loompa on a caffine jag....
 
This is too close to truth...
 
Now, just wait a minute, here. That interview never happened like you described.

It was an orange yoyo, and I called them f***ing a**holes.

Get the facts straight, Bob, like my paper does. Got it?
 
Got it, John.

Go take your Lithium, OK?
 
I agree that this is so true that it's almost not funny.
 
I like yoyos too. Can JRB come out and play, Mrs. Block?
 
Still looking for my motherf*****g yoyo. You'd better give it back, or I will rat you out in my paper.
 
Thouroughly enjoyed reading your "The Onion" style blogaroos Bob!
 
Hey Blockhead:
Bob McClosky stole your yoyo.
 
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