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Satan: "Opal Is Right"

(Toledo, OH) Mayoral candidate Opal Covey, under fire for her apocalyptic visions of a post-electoral Toledo, received an important endorsement from the Dark Prince this week.

Interviewed by Toledo Tales, Satan said that Covey's predictions are on the money.

"Oh, yeah, all Hell is going to break loose unless Opal wins," he said, laughing at the inside joke. "Every demon and hell-minion I've got is going to trash your city when she loses."

Satan said that Toledoans will likely ignore the warnings of God's prophetess.

"You people are colossally stupid," he said. " God could have sent Jesus H. Christ down, and you would still vote for Carty."

Left: Toledo, OH on September 14th

Hell's top dog said that he has plenty of surprises for the city when Covey loses.

"Let's see...pestilence, murder, pillage...yep, we're all set," he said. "We'll be up to see y'all on September 14th."

Satan said that he did not think an early announcement would drive voters to Covey's camp.

"They think she's a frigging lunatic," he said. "Don't say I didn't warn you."

Eek!! better vote for Opal!
Be nice to opal.
Laugh all you want, but I am coming to Toledo on September 14th, and the feces will hit the oscillating cooling device, that's for sure.

Oh, and make sure some of you cook up some ribs. Every time a pig makes its way to hell, it gets devoured before I can put dibs in on a rack.

Man, I haven't had a good set of ribs since 1972, when I attended a Nixon fundraiser.
Since Opal is a certified prophetess we should probably make way for Armageddon.
Armageddon oughta here.
Wow, I better make sure I endorse her I'm glad I don't live in Toledo

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