.comment-link {margin-left:.6em;}

8/01/2005

Study: Feces of OH Residents Really Doesn’t Smell


(Ottawa Hills, Ohio) Confirming the self-assessments of residents in this exclusive enclave, a university study determined that fecal matter of Ottawa Hills citizens does not have an offensive odor.

In fact, many residents excrete a waste product that smells rather like roses, researchers found.

This is no surprise to socialite Marge Brandingham, contacted by Toledo Tales for this article.

“It’s amazing what proper breeding will do,” she said. “However, living in the village also results in the acquisition of E.coli olfactorius pleasantus, a very neat intestinal bacterium.”

The study also found that residents do not emit other bodily odors often occurring in humans.

Jim Braxton, manager of the Bancroft Street Five Star Market, said that sales of personal care products such as deodorant and feminine hygiene items seem to be restricted to UT students.

“Ottawa Hills residents just don’t seem to smell,” he said. “There are a few newcomers who still need to buy those products, though, but that seems to fade in about a year.”

Brandigham said that she feels vindicated.

"We have been telling outsiders this for years," she said. "Now we have proof that Ottawa Hills residents are a breed apart from the rest of humanity."

Comments:
Someone will want to inform the residents of Ottawa Hills that urinal blocks are NOT for human consumption.
 
I have found the minty ones to be quite tasty, although they occasionally have a salty aftertaste that takes away from the refreshing burst of wintergreen.
 
This post is just gross.
 
Your insights were helpful, thank you very much. Its appreciated when people share like that online. Here's to you:
 
Post a Comment



<< Home
Copyright 2007, Toledo Tales ® . Unauthorized duplication prohibited, but feel free to link away. This is a satirical newspaper, and many of these stories are fictional. You have to guess which ones are faked. Toledo Tales ® uses invented names in its stories, except when public figures are being satirized, or when we post a real story. Any other use of real names is accidental and coincidental. Subcomandante Bob once got jiggy with your mom, and she does things in bed that would shock you, dude. The content of this website is the property of Toledo Tales ® and its authors, and may not be reprinted or retransmitted in whole or in part without the expressed written consent of the publisher. Toledo Tales ® is not designed for readers under 18 years of age. FAIR USE NOTICE: This site contains copyrighted material the use of which has not always been specifically authorized by the copyright owner. We are making such material available in our efforts to advance understanding of environmental, political, human rights, economic, democracy, scientific, and social justice issues, sustainable development, environmental, community and worker health, democracy, public disclosure, corporate accountability, and social justice issues, mostly because hot college women are also interested in the same issues. Go figure. Anyways, we believe this constitutes a "fair use" of any such copyrighted material as provided for in section 107 of the US Copyright Law. In accordance with Title 17 U.S.C. Section 107, the material on this site is distributed without fee or payment of any kind to those who have expressed a prior interest in receiving the included information for research and educational purposes, except when you are using it to get laid. If you wish to use copyrighted material from this site for purposes of your own that go beyond 'fair use', you must obtain permission from the copyright owner.

This page is powered by Blogger. Isn't yours?