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Toledo Voters Decide To Wallow In Own Muck

(Toledo, OH) Despite the highest unemployment rates in the state, rising crime, and an overall decline in the quality of life, Toledo voters decided to give a vote of confidence to the same elected officials who presided over the city's descent.

"Yeah, things pretty much suck around here," said local resident Norman Hightenbaum. "But I'm going to keep on doing the same thing anyways."

Polls by national researchers indicate that Toledoans are just too stupid to recognize their power to effect change. Hightenbaum agreed.

"We really are a bunch of imbeciles," he said. "Our politicians should enact legislation banning sharp objects within the city limits, because we're liable to hurt ourselves."

Five of the top six Council reps are incumbents, including Bob McCloskey, currently under indictment for extortion, and Betty Schultz, the subject of a grand jury probe. The top two votegetters in the mayoral race have been the leaders of the city since 1993.

"The thing we really fear is change," said Hightenbaum. "I may be rolling around in a pile of shit, but at least it is the same shit I have always known."

The phrase you used, Toledo voters decided... is hardly accurate as 85% of them sat on their duffs yesterday. One only can imagine these same 85% crabbing and complaining about 'things in Toledo.'
SC Bob - in 6 short paragraphs you have astutely summarized the mindset of this town for the last 3 decades.

My hat is off to you.
Actually, "Toledo voters decided" is acurate, even if only 15% voted. What you are getting at is that 85% are too apathetic/lazy/indifferent/etc to do something about it (vote).
It'll be the Mumbler again for 4 more years. The Blade & the 25% of the town's population that are in his pocket will ensure that. Not that it matters.
It would be more funny it if wasn't so sad, but I agree the chorus will start complaining about how we need new faces and the choice being those two. Yet so few felt it necessary to do anything to make change happen.
You're right about change. A lot of Toledoans would love to turn the calendar back 50 years if it could. The Sports Arena is the biggest example of this city enjoying living in the past.
Don't blame me, I voted for Wilkowski. Anyways, no wonder Toledo is the biggest national joke: they keep re-electing polticians (and their relatives) who abuse them time after time, and they come back for more. This election is between a foul-tempered, corrupt lunatic who people loved to hate and a lazy, corrupt dimwit that everybody just hates. Carty vs. Ford: it doesn't matter who wins. Both of them will screw us for the next four years (without any lubricant, for that matter).
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