Toledo Tales

(Toledo, OH) Despite pleas from two, and possibly three, Toledoans, members of the neo-Nazi group NSM (National Socialist Movement) continued to hold e-zine editor Subcomandante Bob hostage.

"This rotten Jew scum has spread enough lies about our pure Aryan social fraternity," said NSM rep Mark Martin, of Dayton, OH. "Besides, we have nothing better to do until the History Channel runs "Hitler Week" again."

Subcomandante Bob, editor of the e-zines Codependent Collegian, Toledo Tales, and National Nitwit, was captured by members of the neo-Nazi group National Socialist Movement (NSM) Saturday at an undisclosed Toledo-area mental institution. The enigmatic editor had been hospitalized for exhaustion and other unspecified ailments.

Billy Pilgrim, rogue editor of the e-zines, said that $11.77 has been collected in cash and pledges toward the ransom.

"It's getting a little better, but I gotta believe that Bob has eaten at least that much of NSM's food supplies," said Pilgrim, clutching a coffee can with the ransom fund. "If you want to see Bob alive again - and at least half of the staff here does - you had better cough up some green."

Terms of the ransom have not been made public, but at least one area law enforcement source said that NSM hopes to get "whatever they can for Bob's worthless carcass."

"OK, so he's got some websites," said one police source. "My 10-year old has got three blogs. How can NSM expect to extort any money from this demented idiot and his handful of readers?"