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Finkbeiner Performs Latest Miracle

(Toledo, OH) Mayoral candidate Carty Finkbeiner, ahead by as much as 26 points in the latest polls, provided additional proof to his devoted followers that he has achieved a heightened state of being by walking on water Saturday.

Coupled with his loaves-and-fishes miracle at Oak Shade Grove and water-into-wine trick on another campaign stop, Finkbeiner has been elevated to near-deity status in the eyes of many Toledo voters.

"Yes, Carty is just about the second coming of Christ right now," said Bob Reinbolt, campaign manager for Finkbeiner. "We can't really explain this stuff, but the man seems to have taken the political Teflon coating to a new level."

Finkbeiner, who served as Toledo's mayor for two previous terms, remained humble in his assessment of his powers.

"Look, I have no control over how He sends His miracles," he said. "I am just a conduit for a higher power, and how He works is a complete mystery. Besides, where was He in the 1980s?"

I hear he raises the dead, too.
Shades of Opal Covey...
Amen...All Hail Carty!

This is bullshit - you must be Ford people.
Actually, I drive a Honda.
carty aka dingleberry man
Teamsters gave carty all there old coffee cups plus a cup launcher
I am not a Ford person either. I've never owned one nor would I. First on Race Day my asssssss.

Oh, i just hope the shenanigans for the next four years will be as amusing as the ones from his last term!

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