Toledo Tales

(Toledo, OH) Members of a local undead organization gathered in downtown Toledo today to protest what they call "living supremacist policies."

"Down with breathers! Up with eaters!" was the chant grunted by several dozen zombies near the county courthouse today. Spokesghoul Martin Galloway said that the group is angry bout what it perceives as "corporeal disenfranchisement."

"Just because our hearts don't beat, and we like the taste of living flesh, does not mean that we cannot exercise our right to vote," he said. "The dead have been allowed to vote in Chicago for decades."

Galloway claimed that Lucas County election officials have actively prevented zombies from voting.

"We went down there just for conversation, and they started this screaming bullshit," he said. "They boarded up the windows on us and blasted us with shotguns. Christ, it wasn't this bad in Selma, Alabama."

Galloway says that his group, Zombies Outraged by Mass Belittlement and Institutionalized Exclusion (ZOMBIE), is just misunderstood.

"OK, we have gotten a bad rap from people like George Romero," he said, referencing the horror film director. "But there is no legal precedent for this. Give us back our rights, or we are going to eat your children!"