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Subcomandante Bob Severs Finger In Freak Keyboard Mishap

(Toledo, OH) Underground e-zine editor Subcomandante Bob suffered a severed finger in what authorities described as a "really weird accident."

Subcomandante Bob, who said his last name is an "unpronounceable sound," said that he was closing his Compaq laptop when something went horribly wrong.

"As the lid went down, I felt this sharp pain in my finger," he said. "It was then I realized that it was trapped inside the laptop."

To compound matters, the laptop would not open after it latched shut, said the Subcomandante.

"I had no choice but to chew through my own finger," he said. "It's kind of like the old "coyote ugly," except it did not involve alcohol, women, or sleep."

Subcomandante Bob said that a lawsuit is in the works.

"Oh yes, oh yes - someone is going to pay for this dangerous product," he said. "People should not have to live in fear that their laptops will attack them. This is not about money - it's about consumer safety. Besides, I may never be able to use the ESC key properly again."

This is uncanny!

I am watching an amazingly similar wound heal on the exact same place on the exact same digit of my left hand at this time too.

However, in my case, a hungry Ryobi hedge trimmer was the offending culprit.

No lawsuit is contemplated here because the blame rests squarely with me...

So, when I say that "I feel your pain," it comes from actual left-hand index finger experience.

I fully expect to have the reattached finger tip (now blackened and hard) fall off in about a week, but the effort to save it was worth it, protecting the wound site and mitigating the pain temporarily.

So, I officially FEEL your pain and wish you a speedy recovery and healing...
Hope your finger heals quickly, Hooda Thunkit.

I think Geoffrey Feiger should be my attorney, because Compaq will probably wet themselves if that guy was on the case.
Serves you right, you filthy degenerate!
Mom - I said I would rake your leaves, and I will.

You don't have to come on my board and start trouble!
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