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12/13/2005

Area Dog Protests Bland Biscuits


(Toledo, OH) A local canine interviewed by Toledo Tales is angry at what he considers to be inferior treats.

Hopper, a black-and-white dog of multiple ancestries, decried the purported decline in biscuit quality.

"So, I protect your house, chase away cats, and bark at the mailman, but all you give me is this chalky-tasting piece of crap?" he asked, eyeing the proffered Milkbone. "Come on; don't I deserve better than that?"

Hopper said that he recalled days in which steak scraps were the norm.

"Yeah, you used to hook me up good," he said, shifting his weight back and forth between front and back legs. "And you wouldn't make me do stupid stuff to get it."

The arrival of the new baby, according to Hopper, seems to have been the point in which treat quality began to nosedive.

"Sure. It's 'Megan did this' and 'Megan did that' and 'Megan, don't bite Hopper's ear' all frigging day long," he said, tail thumping on the floor. "The baby farts and the house goes nuts, but I, your faithful friend for well nigh seven years, get fed tasteless, preformed bone meal."

Hopper hopes that the situation improves, and says he is weighing his options.

"Have you ever eaten one of these?" he asked in between bites. "Until you have walked a mile on my paws, you really don't know me."

Comments:
Woof.
 
I feel your pain...
 
Keep complaining and you'll get the unkindest cut of all.
 
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