Toledo Tales

(Toledo, OH) Mayor-elect Carty Finkbeiner, angered at plans to build a Costco location in the Westgate Shopping Center, unveiled a new plan to counter the proposed retail development.

"From the end of this press conference until, well, I turn blue, I will hold my breath," said Finkbeiner, taking a few preliminary deep breaths. "I don't care if my lungs explode - these fuckers will not ruin Westgate."

Finkbeiner believes that Westgate can be saved by reconfiguring its existing design.

"All we really need is some paint and some good old-fashioned elbow grease," he said, rolling up his sleeves. "And I'll be damned if I will take another breath until Costco agrees not to build here."

Finkbeiner, who recently underwent heart surgery, dowmplayed his health issues.

"Look - I've got a job to do," he said, taking a final breath. "My lungs can hold a lot of air, and I can outlast Costco."

Subcomandante Bob gives a holla to J.J. for the story suggestion