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12/15/2005

Former Jeep Employee Mails Boss Box of Shit


By Billy Pilgrim, Fervent 12-Stepper and Toledo Tales Rogue Editor

(Toledo, OH) Frank Windham dreamed of the day he could build his family a new home in Ottawa Hills and pay off his wife’s mounting credit card debt. But when Jeep fired him less than two weeks before Christmas, Windham was left with only one option: he mailed Ray Manning, his former boss, a 10-pound package full of feces.

“They call it the season of giving,” Windham muttered as he sipped a 16-ounce coffee from a nearby BP gas station. “Manning gave me the pink slip, so I gave him the gift that keeps on giving — a cornucopia of stink.”

According to Belinda Windham, Frank’s wife of 17 years, her husband spent "three whole days" with their 9 year old son Lewis canvassing the neighborhood, scooping every dog turd and squirrel pellet they could find.

“I always tell Frank he needs to spend more time with me and the kids,” sighed Mrs. Windham. “I had no idea he would take Lewis through the neighbors’ yards with a shovel and a trash bag.”

While Daimler Chrysler declined to comment at press time, a corporate secretary—who insisted on her anonymity—revealed the savage moment when Manning opened his butt-bundle.

“It was fucking hilarious,” our Jeep informant revealed between childish snickers. “Have you ever seen a grown man barf on his own rolodex? I might quit after New Year’s just so I can mail the bastard a bucket of piss.”

Comments:
I suggest that we all mail a box of s**t to our favorite crooked local politician: Bob McClosky.
 
I just hope that Frank had the presence of mind to put Ray's 10 lb. "gift" in a 5 lb. box, not unlike packing 3 or 4 strapping adults into a compact...

Expolsive fun for all!
 
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