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Local Bowler To Spend New Years Eve At Home

(Toledo, OH) Unhappy with Imperial Lane's decision to host a New Years Eve extravaganza, local bowling afficianado Nathan "Nappy" Jazubowski will opt to stay at home.

"Yeah, the bastards are not running their usual late-night glow bowling special," he said. "Instead, it's a $40 per person bowling-and-prime rib buffet. Who the hell can afford that kind of dough and still be able to buy a dime bag?"

Jazubowski said that the decision means he will not be able to continue a cherished tradition.

"I like to throw my best strike ball at the stroke of midnight," he said, shaking his head. "I had strikes in 1992, 1994 and 2001 to ring in the new year, which was always a miracle, because I usually just about comatose by midnight."

Jazubowski said that he has already prepared quite a feast for he, his roommate, and any "fine-tastic babes" who might venture over to the Jazubowski crib.

"Yeah, we've got Geno's pizza rolls, Doritos, and three cases of Pabst Blue Ribbon," he said. "And my man Jimmy says he's gonna drop off a little herbal sumpin-sumpin, if you know what I mean."

Imperial Lanes manager Mark Nicholson declined comment, except to say that Jazubowski is a "world-class douchebag" and a "borderline imbecile."

Poor Nappy!
awww Happy New Year and next year you can come to my house.

I promise I'll even make french fries the way you like them.

Jazubowski sure knows how to throw a party.

Geno's pizza rolls, Doritos, three cases of Pabst Blue Ribbon, and a dime bag..., Hooieee!

Happy New Year Nappy!
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