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WSPD To Switch From Arbitron To New 'Hand Count' System

(Toledo, OH) In the midst of falling ratings, management of talk radio station WSPD has elected to move from the traditional Arbitron ratings service to a new system.

The technique, known as "Hands Up For Speedy," will be a benefit to the station in many ways, said Clear Channel regional VP Andy Stuart.

"First off, an Arbitron subscription costs money, and with advertisers fleeing from the station, we ain't got da green," said Stuart. "Secondly, now that our audience numbers have been dropping, we figured it would be easier to send a few staffers out to just count the listeners. It shouldn't take very long."

Thecontroevrsy seems to center around the arrival of new program director and afternoon host Brian Wilson, whose drowsy, mumbling on-air personna sends most listeneres into a deep sleep.

Attempts to wake Wilson show audience members for comment were unsuccessful.

Stuart believes the new lineup will ultimately triumph.

"Look - these fuckers can't stay in a coma forever," he said. "Eventually Brian's going to say something that will actually get a response out of people."

Wilson spoke to Toledo Tales during a commercial break yesterday.

"My move to WSPD has given me the opportunity to work on my bass fishing," he said, casting a line out of the studio window overlooking the Maumee. "I haven't caught any yet, but what the hell else am I supposed to do? This place has turned into a morgue. Oh yeah - I am pretty pumped about the idea that Bass Pro might go into the Marina District. Did I ever mention that I love bass fishing?"

What if Wilson's boring monotone puts Stuart to sleep? We could be stuck with him for years.
What ever happened to Paula Pennypacker?
Moved to Arizona, I heard, selling cosmetics.
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"Look - these fuckers can't stay in a coma forever," he said. "Eventually Brian's going to say something that will actually get a response out of people."

Yeah Andy, some day Brian might. If anyone's still listening. In the mean time, you can save expenses by turning the transmitter and the studio lights off from 3-6...
Bob: Absolutely freaking BRILLIANT.

It's so nice to see teenagers who are fat and can't get a date closeted at home on the Internet publishing puke like this. I happen to like Brian Wilson and what he brings to the show. As for you teens, don't let your mother catch what you're doing behind closed doors.
Hi, Brian! Thanks for stopping by!
Actually, given the fact that your IP address is from Middletown, NJ, you must be one of Brian's relatives, or a ClearChannel hack.
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