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2/18/2006

Cruise: "I TOLD You I Wasn't Gay"

(Toledo, OH) Pointing to the belly of an expectant Katie Holmes, a proud Tom Cruise smiled to reporters.

"Yeah, I've got your "Rump Ranger" right here," he said, flexing his biceps. "I've said it before, but I'll repeat it: "Who's your daddy?" TOM FUCKING CRUISE, that's who!"

Crusie has been dogged throughout his career by rumors that he is attracted to men, and he is suing Kyle Bradford, a gay porn star whose real name is Chad Slater, for defamation. Bradford allegedly told gossip magazine Actustar that he had an affair with Cruise during his marriage to Nicole Kidman.

"Let's just say this pistol is cocked and loaded," he joked, pointing finger pistols at reporters. "And it ain't shooting blanks, either. Heh heh."

Holmes did not speak during the news conference. Cruise said that she "knew better" than to talk out of turn.

"What do you say to a girl with two black eyes?" he asked his Rayban-wearing fiancee. "Nothing. You already told her twice! Isn't that right, honey? Just nod, OK?"

# posted by Subcomandante Bob : 12:34 PM
Comments:
I hear Tom has a nice closet he likes to go into.

That's just what I am hearing, OK? I definitely did not say that he has to come out of his closet.
# posted by Anonymous Anonymous : 4:15 PM
 
I am SO going to kick your ass.
# posted by Anonymous Anonymous : 6:20 PM
 
Cruise is a douche bag. He also denies the existence of matter. 'Nuff said.
# posted by Anonymous Anonymous : 6:51 PM
 
Never mind.

Tom will just get mad at me again. I'd better shut up.
# posted by Anonymous Anonymous : 7:01 PM
 
"Crusie has been dogged throughout his career by rumors that he is attracted to men..."

Some advice Tom:

Don't sue for libel, someone is liabel to prove it...

As for: "I am SO going to kick your ass."

Wait a minute, let me get you a stool, or a ladder ;-)



Katie Holmes: Mother to be of the Bastard spawn of Little Satan...
# posted by Blogger Hooda Thunkit (Dave Zawodny) : 1:04 PM
 
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