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Finkbeiner Proud Of First Month's Results

(Toledo, OH) In an interview with Toledo Tales, Toledo mayor Carty Finkbeiner expressed satisfaction with his first month's accomplishments.

"I have managed to go through an entire month without saying something completely boneheaded," he smiled. "One down, 47 more to go."

The mayor, whose penchant for off-the-cuff remarks is legendary, said that he has been "sticking to the script" as much as possible.

"I have been practicing my speeches at home, and whenever I stray from the script, Amy gives me a jolt of 24-volt love," he said, showing reporters a set of electrodes on his chest and neck. "Believe me, it only takes a couple of zaps to make me stay on message."

Finkbeiner believes that his motto "Carty Gets Results" has been proven true during his first month.

"I have managed to turn a signed development deal on Westgate into a major regional fiasco," he said of the contract with Abbell Credit. "You didn't think I could just let that one proceed without getting my hands all over it, did you?"

Also known for his fiery temper, Finkbeiner said that anger management counselors have helped him keep his anger in check.

"I used to go directly into ballistic mode, but I have found that going back into my office and breaking the neck of a kitten helps me defuse," he said, poitning to a pile of dead felines in the corner. "Thank God we have so many ferral cats in this city, or I might have taken my anger out on a subordinate by now."

When I find out who you suckers are, I am going to KICK...YOUR...ASS.

Count on it.
Bring it on...
Carty gets results...


Stop by Farm & Fleet and pick up a couple of those electric cattle prods. 24 volts in a cattle prod gets results too.

Better yet, pick up 47.

I LOVE the smell of burning flesh in the morning...
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