Toledo Tales

Left: "Piper," a local pharmaceuticals rep

The US economy ended 2005 like a lamb and is roaring back like a lion, a resounding rebound that a local dope dealer believes will lead the Federal Reserve to raise interest rates in the months ahead.

"I had earlier had predicted a 3.4 percent growth rate for 2006," said "Piper," weed rep and economist. "If the revised forecast proves accurate, it would mark the best showing since the July-through-September period in 2003, when the economy expanded at a blistering 7.2 percent pace. That's good news for the average dope man, who depends upon disposable consumer income."

The fresh forecast from Ganja Economics shows gross domestic product growing at a healthy 4.5 percent annual rate from January through March.

"Our forecasters expect the economy to shake off the effects of last year’s hurricanes and surging oil prices," said Piper, pausing to take a cellular call. "However, if long-term mortgage rates were to jump sharply or if housing prices, which have risen rapidly, were to fall, it could spell trouble for the housing market, overextended homeowners and the overall economy. Especially the weed market."

Piper also provided predictions on inflation for 2006.

"I see inflation calming this year, with consumer prices increasing by 2.9 percent this year and 2.4 percent next year," he said. "That would be an improvement from last year's 3.4 percent jump, the biggest in five years. Thus I believe a dime bag will be shorted only a couple of crumbs in 2006, keeping pace with the trend we have seen over the last ten years."