Toledo Tales

(Toledo, OH) A federal grand jury indicted three Toledo-area men on terrorism charges on Tuesday, and the Joint Terrorism Task Force announced today that they have uncovered evidence of a training camp in the area.

"It is clear that the terrorists used this facility to prepare for urban combat," said US Attorney General Alberto Gonzalez. "We believe that the terrorists planned to recruit others to utilize this site."

Gonzalez said that the fake merry-go-round was used by the terror suspects to simulate the vertigo associated with bouncing in a pickup truck across the Iraqi desert.

"Thirty or fourty turns on that will separate the men from the boys," he said. "Try to fire an RPG launcher after being spun around on that device. Phew!"

The attorney general believes that the towers were used to mimic the conditions snipers would face in a city setting.

"They climb up in the top and shout things down, like "Hey Mr. Stupid" or something like that," he said. "Then when the target would angrily turn around, KERPOWIE! Right in the face with a .50 caliber slug. This case stands as a reminder of the need for continued vigilance in the war on terrorism." brrreeeport krugle