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Toledo Port Security To Be Turned Over To Local Bloods Faction

(Toledo, OH) Taking a cue from the decision by the federal government to outsource security at other major ports, officials from the Port Authority today named the Dexter Boyz - a local Blood-affiliated gang - to handle security at Toledo Express and the Port of Toledo.

"The Toledo-Lucas County Port Authority's business is transportation," said James Hartung, CEO of the Port Authority. "That business is shaped by our mission to move people and cargo through the region while employing innovative finance programs to stimulate economic development. The Dexter Boyz will help us keep our shizzle from being hizzled."

Members of the Dexter Boyz joined the press conference and outlined their plans for the Port duties.

"Frankly, sir, I take offense at your suggestion that we are engaging in "gang" activity," said Sheldon Jackson, a spokesperson for the group. "Our society is primarily a fraternal organization designed to promote solidarity and the education of our members. Our goal is to provide some serious security, up to and including cap-busting, ass-kicking, and fo-shizzle dizzling."

Hartung said the group "outbid and outperformed" other security organizations.

"The Dexter Boyz have a proven track record in getting merchandise moved and handling security logistics," he said. "I holla out at mah dawgs to shoot the five anyone mess wit our steez, aight?"

brrreeeport krugle

Yeah, boy-ee!
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