Left: Local Olympic hopeful "Tweaky"
(Toledo, OH) The years of grueling training for local resident "Tweaky" have paid off, and the Toledo crackhead believes he may have a shot at a 2010 Olympic gold medal.
"Yeah, I was watching the TV yesterday, and I heard them talking about the 'half-pipe' event," he said, looking over his shoulder. "I thought to myself: 'Tweaky - this is your shot at the big time.' NOBODY knows more about the pipe than the Tweakman."
Tweaky, who has been a regular rock user for "fifteen or twenty years," said that he owes his skills to one special friend.
"My man G always hooks me up and never cuts me short," he said, jumping at the sound of a chirping bird. "Without G, I would have never wound up where I am today. Thank you, my friend."
Unlike most Olympic medal winners Tweaky does not envision a Wheaties box cover.
"But I would like them to make a special blend of crack and crystal meth after me," he added, scratching his cheek. "Yeah - that would be pretty cool."