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Toledoan Not Impressed With Olympians

(Toledo, OH) Howard "Buck" Jackson has been watching the 2006 Olympics on NBC "pretty near all week," but says the athletic competitions he's seen so far "suck real bad."

"Listen - me and my buds can totally outperform these dickheads," he said, setting down his ninth Bud Light. "We rigged up an old DuraLiner as a practice bobsled, and our times downhill make them Olympians look ridiculous."

Another event that Jackson believes he will "rule" in is cross-country skiing.

"Look at them assholes - a couple of 1'x8's on their boots and they think they're Richard Petty," he said. "My cousin's got somefiberglass panels that he shined up with WD-40, and I bet we can go twice as fast as them."

Jackson says that he prefers the Summer over the Winter Olympics.

"The girls got a lot less clothers in the Summer Olympics," he said, grabbing a handful of Cheetohs. "Those parkas don't help out with what you call your 'production values.'"


The Olympics are on???
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