Toledo Tales

(Toledo, OH) The city of Toledo ended its use of firefighters for additional security patrols near schools after police announced that an alien abduction report from a Toledo teen was faked.

"Some of these reports are pretty convincing, especially the parts about the green skin, almond-sahped eyes, and electronic probes," said police chief Jack Smith. "However, when she said the aliens were playing Ne-Yo and the Ying Yang Twins on the mothership, we got a little suspicious."

Smith believes that the teenager was seeking attention.

"Maybe she has been watching too many X-file episodes and just wanted her mom to notice her," he said. "The problem is that future victims of alien abductions will now suffer, and the public might be skeptical the next time someone claims that operative from a planet circling Alpha Centauri lured them on a ship."

Mayor Carty Finkbeiner said that the extra patrols were justified.

"I would do that all over again," he said. "There is evey reason to be cautious when you are dealing with these creepy space freaks. You never know which ones are harmless and which ones will rip your head off and use your abdomen as a nest for their larvae." Charlie Sheen