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3/31/2006

Taft Demands His Name On University

By Toledo Tales contributor Feckless Freddie

(Toledo, OH) Ohio governor Bob Taft signed a law today permitting the merger on July 1 of The University of Toledo and the Medical University of Ohio.

Taft, however, held off signing the document until he could get a concession.

"Hey man - you gotta have a new name, right? Why not call it 'Bob Taft University?'" he asked. "It's got a nice ring to it."

UT President Dr. Dan Johnson and MUO President Dr. Lloyd Jacobs laughed until they realized Taft was serious.

"Look - I have appointed almost every boob who sits here as a regent, and you losers owe me," said Taft. "Just agree to call it 'Taft University' and we can do business."

A mad scramble ensued, as Johnson and Jacobs grabbed the document. After sitting on Taft's back, twisting his arm, and making him scream "uncle," the two men forced the governor to sign the document. As the ceremony ended, Taft turned and yelled at the university presidents.

"People know we played golf!" he exclaimed. "Don't think that shit won't haunt you!" Mary Winkler

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