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3/17/2006

Toledo Man Commemorates Divorce With Tampon Dispenser


By Billy Pilgrim, Toledo Tales Rogue Editor
(Toledo, OH)—Francis McGuire celebrated the one year anniversary of his bitter divorce from his “evil succubus” wife Tracy by purchasing her the perfect gift: a tampon dispenser.

According to sources close to the couple, McGuire bought the item from a BP gas station on Bancroft St. for $37, where the former lovers first consummated their relationship after a UT homecoming game in 1992.

“I hate that bitch,” steamed McGuire in an exclusive interview with Toledo Tales. “I hope she comes home with that new guy Stan and sees this hunk of metal on her front porch. But, hey—I’m the asshole, right? I should have known that ‘to love and to cherish’ meant blowing my nephew Brian in the garage.”

And while McGuire’s closest compatriots have been very supportive throughout his emotional crisis, not all of them approve of this latest gesture.

“I think he needs therapy,” revealed his best friend Ian Jacobson. “We went to the batting cages last weekend, and I found him sobbing in the crapper—the women’s crapper. I’m no genius, but it don’t get any more Freudian than that, dude.”

# posted by Subcomandante Bob : 8:44 AM
Comments:
Mister McGuire, tell me a little zumpthing about your mother...
# posted by Anonymous Anonymous : 11:38 AM
 
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