.comment-link {margin-left:.6em;}


Toledo Man Commemorates Divorce With Tampon Dispenser

By Billy Pilgrim, Toledo Tales Rogue Editor
(Toledo, OH)—Francis McGuire celebrated the one year anniversary of his bitter divorce from his “evil succubus” wife Tracy by purchasing her the perfect gift: a tampon dispenser.

According to sources close to the couple, McGuire bought the item from a BP gas station on Bancroft St. for $37, where the former lovers first consummated their relationship after a UT homecoming game in 1992.

“I hate that bitch,” steamed McGuire in an exclusive interview with Toledo Tales. “I hope she comes home with that new guy Stan and sees this hunk of metal on her front porch. But, hey—I’m the asshole, right? I should have known that ‘to love and to cherish’ meant blowing my nephew Brian in the garage.”

And while McGuire’s closest compatriots have been very supportive throughout his emotional crisis, not all of them approve of this latest gesture.

“I think he needs therapy,” revealed his best friend Ian Jacobson. “We went to the batting cages last weekend, and I found him sobbing in the crapper—the women’s crapper. I’m no genius, but it don’t get any more Freudian than that, dude.”

Mister McGuire, tell me a little zumpthing about your mother...
Post a Comment

Links to this post:

Create a Link

<< Home
Copyright 2007, Toledo Tales ® . Unauthorized duplication prohibited, but feel free to link away. This is a satirical newspaper, and many of these stories are fictional. You have to guess which ones are faked. Toledo Tales ® uses invented names in its stories, except when public figures are being satirized, or when we post a real story. Any other use of real names is accidental and coincidental. Subcomandante Bob once got jiggy with your mom, and she does things in bed that would shock you, dude. The content of this website is the property of Toledo Tales ® and its authors, and may not be reprinted or retransmitted in whole or in part without the expressed written consent of the publisher. Toledo Tales ® is not designed for readers under 18 years of age. FAIR USE NOTICE: This site contains copyrighted material the use of which has not always been specifically authorized by the copyright owner. We are making such material available in our efforts to advance understanding of environmental, political, human rights, economic, democracy, scientific, and social justice issues, sustainable development, environmental, community and worker health, democracy, public disclosure, corporate accountability, and social justice issues, mostly because hot college women are also interested in the same issues. Go figure. Anyways, we believe this constitutes a "fair use" of any such copyrighted material as provided for in section 107 of the US Copyright Law. In accordance with Title 17 U.S.C. Section 107, the material on this site is distributed without fee or payment of any kind to those who have expressed a prior interest in receiving the included information for research and educational purposes, except when you are using it to get laid. If you wish to use copyrighted material from this site for purposes of your own that go beyond 'fair use', you must obtain permission from the copyright owner.

This page is powered by Blogger. Isn't yours?