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4/01/2006

Last Honest Local Pol Throws in Towel


(Toledo, OH) After fifteen years of turning down bribes, avoid conflicts of interest, and remaining faithful to his wife, Maumee school board member Neal Garrison says he has had enough.

"Screw it. From this point forward I am going to grab every piece of graft and corruption that comes my way," he said, stuffing a proffered wad of bills in his pocket. "Playing honest just doesn't pay off around here. Show me some green, fellas."

Garrison said that he has avoided many temptations in the past.

"I have refrained from accepting trips, cars, cash, and hookers for way too many years," he said. "It's time this cowboy loads up his saddle bags, you know what I mean?"

Local developer Gene Phillips expressed excitement at the news of Garrison's conversion.

"We knew Neal would come around sooner or later, although I have to admit he showed remarkable restraint," said Phillips. "Having a guy like that around can really create an unfriendly business climate." Mary Winkler

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