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Local Crackhead Calls for MLB Steroid Investigation

Left: Local resident "Tweaky" is miffed about steroid use

(Toledo, OH) Local crack cocaine afficianado "Tweaky" Williams said that major league baseball "owes its fans the truth" with regard to allegations that its players are abusing anabolic steroids.

"Nothing is more important to me than the integrity of the game of baseball," said Tweaky in between pipe hits. "The unique circumstances surrounding some players and the evidence revealed in a recently published book have convinced me that Major League Baseball must undertake this investigation."

Tweaky applauded the appointment of former Senator George Mitchell to head the investigation.

""Senator Mitchell is one of the most respected public figures in the nation. His career in public service is beyond reproach and his integrity and leadership ability are beyond question," said Tweaky, searching the ground for a dropped piece of crack. "Major League Baseball is fortunate to have a person of such high character and acclaim to lead this investigation."

Tweaky added that the integrity of the game is being called into question.

"These allegations have caused fans and observers to question the integrity of play at the highest level of our national game," he said, visibly agitated. "Look man - why the fuck are you staring at me like that? HUH?" Barry Bonds

WHOAH "tweaky,"

He's lookin inta STEROID abuse by athletes, not yer run-of-the-mill chackhead, WHOAH!
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