Toledo Tales

By Toledo Tales contributor Feckless Freddie

Left: "Piper," a local pharmaceuticals rep

(Toledo, OH) Toledo Mayor Carty Finkbeiner launched his "Toledo Pride" campaign on Saturday, urging residents to embrace the values of "loyalty, pride, and tradition" in the Glass City.

Among the supporters of the new plan was local medicinal supplies broker "Piper," who paused to speak with Toledo Tales reporters during the presentation.

"Most definitely we would like to see an increase in local pride, especially in the hydroponics sector," said Piper. "There are local herbalists who have created some very exciting, high-THC content hemp hybrids, and we should recognize them for putting Toledo on the ganja map."

Among other sources of area pride, according to Piper, is the local transportation network.

"Toledo is positioned at the nexus of I-80/90 and I-75, which makes the city an ideal hub for interstate pharmaceuticals traffic," he said. "Once we get the State Highway Patrol to back off a bit, the local economy can benefit from its position in the center of the transnational coca and opiate pipelines."

Toledo also boasts some of the most loyal drug customers in the Midwest, said Piper.

"When supplies are low, my customers sit by that phone and wait," he said. "They are not driving to Detroit, Cleveland, or Columbus for dope - they want drug cash to stay in the local economy and circulate. Yes, Toledo dopers have pride!"
Mary Winkler