Toledo Tales

Toledo Public school officials unveiled a proposal to eliminate a $12 million deficit by closing two junior highs and three elementary schools at the end of the academic year.

In addition, the district plans to convert the buildings into payday loan outlets.

"This move will help us accomplish two goals," said Superintendent Eugene Sanders. "We will make use of the real estate, and we will tap into the area's only growth industry - sleazy cash advance loans."

Sanders said that the district hopes to turn a profit next year through the concept.

"Not only will we have the five payday loan centers, but we will also open satellite branches in every public school," he said. "It's a natural marketing move, since Toledo schools share such close proximity to the stupidest consumers."

Parent Sheila Brogan was skeptical of the school closing plan until she heard of the loan shark scheme.

"Wow, that's a great idea," she said. "I usually have to catch the Monroe bus to go to CashQuick. Now I can get my payday loan when I drop my kids off at school. Thanks, Toledo Public!"