.comment-link {margin-left:.6em;}

5/17/2006

Local Man Believes He Can Profile Any Crime

Left: Crime expert Breckenspleth

(Perrysburg, OH) Perrysburg resident Carl Breckenspleth, longtime television afficiando, said that his skills as a crime profiler have "dramatically increased" over the past few years.

"After many years of watching "CSI," "Profiler," and "Law and Order," I can pretty much figure out any crime," he said, interspersing his comments with channel-surfing. "I have honed my skills under the tutelage of such luminaries as Dr. Sam Waters [Profiler] and Detective Lennie Briscoe [Law and Order]."

Breckenspleth said that he can usually "nail the crook" within 5 minutes of the start of a crime drama.

"Sometimes I figure it out as soon as the camera pans on the character," he mused. "It's kind of scary - I'm like psychic or something."

His unique crime-profiling skills are not limited to television, added Breckenspleth.

"Take my neighbor, who just had his car stolen last week," he said. "I called up the police and told them they need to be looking for someone over 12 - little kids can't see over the steering wheel - and that it is probably someone who has no respect for the rule of law - since he stole the car. I'm pretty sure they appreciated my help, and that the criminal will be rounded up soon."

Perrysburg police refused to comment on the case, but a spokesman added that "serious tips are always welcome. I did say 'serious,' right?" Pentagon video Stephen Colbert




# posted by Subcomandante Bob : 11:10 AM
Comments:
Sounds to me like Carl has the makings for a legend (in his own mind)!

His "powers" are truly scary...
# posted by Blogger Hooda Thunkit (Dave Zawodny) : 12:37 PM
 
Post a Comment



<< Home
Copyright 2007, Toledo Tales ® . Unauthorized duplication prohibited, but feel free to link away. This is a satirical newspaper, and many of these stories are fictional. You have to guess which ones are faked. Toledo Tales ® uses invented names in its stories, except when public figures are being satirized, or when we post a real story. Any other use of real names is accidental and coincidental. Subcomandante Bob once got jiggy with your mom, and she does things in bed that would shock you, dude. The content of this website is the property of Toledo Tales ® and its authors, and may not be reprinted or retransmitted in whole or in part without the expressed written consent of the publisher. Toledo Tales ® is not designed for readers under 18 years of age. FAIR USE NOTICE: This site contains copyrighted material the use of which has not always been specifically authorized by the copyright owner. We are making such material available in our efforts to advance understanding of environmental, political, human rights, economic, democracy, scientific, and social justice issues, sustainable development, environmental, community and worker health, democracy, public disclosure, corporate accountability, and social justice issues, mostly because hot college women are also interested in the same issues. Go figure. Anyways, we believe this constitutes a "fair use" of any such copyrighted material as provided for in section 107 of the US Copyright Law. In accordance with Title 17 U.S.C. Section 107, the material on this site is distributed without fee or payment of any kind to those who have expressed a prior interest in receiving the included information for research and educational purposes, except when you are using it to get laid. If you wish to use copyrighted material from this site for purposes of your own that go beyond 'fair use', you must obtain permission from the copyright owner.

This page is powered by Blogger. Isn't yours?