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5/23/2006

Tigers Fan Perfectly Times Argument for Seventh Inning Stretch

By Billy Pilgrim, Toledo Tales Rogue Editor

Left: Murray during his last visit to Comerica Park

(Toledo, OH)—Dave Murray has been a Tigers fan his whole life, so after years of chronic disappointment, he is insatiably excited about their spring performance in the American League Central division.

Unfortunately for Tina Murray, his wife of eight years, this means that their daily interaction is limited to the seventh inning stretch, and last night’s argument about balancing the checkbook was no exception.

“Man, I knew as soon as I walked in the door she was ready to go at it,” Murray recalled. “I made like, three ATM withdrawals last week without telling her, and I saw the checkbook on the table. That’s when I played my hand: I spent my last $12 on flowers and a copy of The Da Vinci Code in paperback. I was golden, baby. God bless Kroger.”

Murray’s unwarranted act of kindness, given its rarity and thoughtfulness, stunned his wife for hours, who was content to read alone in their bedroom.

“I did the dishes during the ads, which got me from the 4th inning to the 7th,” Murray explained. “When Tina came out for a glass of water during the stretch, I pounced. It was like 90 seconds with the Spanish Inquisition, but damn if she didn’t slink off before Detroit came to bat.”

Prompted about the future of his marriage, Murray seemed remarkably optimistic.

“Well, she treats me like a child and I act like a child, so it’s probably a good thing that we can’t have kids,” Murray reflected. “And when she cries at night, I just sleep on the couch.” Murray paused before adding: “Did you see Verlander throwing heat in the 9th, though? 99 MPH. That boy’s got a golden arm.” Macbook American Idol

# posted by Subcomandante Bob : 9:44 AM
Comments:
He's my hero!
# posted by Anonymous Anonymous : 3:22 PM
 
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