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5/03/2006

Zoo's Baby Louie Executed

Left: Louie faces the executioner

(Toledo, OH) The defeat of the Toledo Zoo's capital improvements levy yesterday spelled the rise of a different type of "capital" improvement, as tearful keepers paid their last respects to 3-year-old elephant Baby Louie.

"I thought that we were clear to the voters," sobbed Megan Judd, keeper for Louie since birth. "We told them that we would have to kill Louie if the levy failed, and they STILL voted it down. The voters of Lucas County are heartless bastards!"

Zoo director Anne Baker, leveling her 30:06 Remington, paused to talk with Toledo Tales reporters.

"Listen up, y'all - the voters have spoken," she said. "Now please excuse me while I bust some caps in this capital-consuming pile of lard."

After a volley of shots fired by the zoo director, expertly placed in the animal's skull and chest, Baby Louie collapsed in a heap.

"It had to be done," said Baker. "Now, if y'all don't want to see the same fate for the polar bears and gazelles, I suggest that you vote for the levy when it comes up again in November." stephen+colbert

# posted by Subcomandante Bob : 7:53 AM
Comments:
Awwww, poor Louie.
# posted by Anonymous Anonymous : 10:24 AM
 
What a waste. They least they could have done was to wait a couple years until his tusks came in and then release him pearason park, sold tickets to hunt him an dkeep the tusks. I would've paid big buck for the chance.
# posted by Anonymous Anonymous : 8:45 PM
 
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