7/20/2006
Deportation Nightmare Strikes Toledo Family
Left: Flippy and the Wilmingtons in happier days
(Toledo, OH) The Wilmington family on Knapp Street faces one of its biggest challenges ever, as a cherished family member is being forcibly deported.
Due to recent incontinence issues, Flippy the dog is being permanently relocated to exterior quarters, said immigration authority spokesman John Wilmington.
"That damn dog has pissed on the carpet for the last time," he muttered, leading the chocolate lab outside.
Family member Jeremy Wilmington expressed unhappiness with the immigration decision.
"Flippy never bothered anyone!" he exclaimed. "Flippy will miss us if he has to stay outside!"
Assistant immigration director Barb Wilmington expressed regret, but said the agency had no other options.
"Look, Flippy knew what the residency conditions were, and he chose not to follow them," she said. "We had no choice but to deport him."
Jeremy, Ashley, and Tricia Wilmington plan to hold a vigil for the beleaguered Flippy, which will consist of midnight deliveries of smuggled Milkbones until the immigration issues are settled.
# posted by Subcomandante Bob : 9:39 PM
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As the law firm representing Flippy in the matter. Our argument for staying in the house was that certain mitigating factors were not taken into account in the final decision. 1. Flippy's advancing age. As a 10 year old dog that equates to 63 in human years; and what 63 year old hasn't dribbled a little bit. 2. The family had just returned from dinner and had brought Flippy a doggie bag. Flippy was overly excited and what 63 yr old hasn't pissed themselves in joy?
Fianlly we unsuccessfully argued that the verdict by imigration officials has not been applied equally throughout the years. We know for a fact that a certain male child in early years had let loose with a couple of "shots across the bow" during diaper changes and during the terrible twos had a tendency to mark his territory with no banishment. One final thought when the old man starts pissing himself the kids send him to a home.
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Fianlly we unsuccessfully argued that the verdict by imigration officials has not been applied equally throughout the years. We know for a fact that a certain male child in early years had let loose with a couple of "shots across the bow" during diaper changes and during the terrible twos had a tendency to mark his territory with no banishment. One final thought when the old man starts pissing himself the kids send him to a home.
# posted by 
: 9:19 AM
: 9:19 AM<< Home
