Toledo Tales

By Billy Pilgrim, Toledo Tales Rogue Editor

Left: Rogers feigning work after a panty raid

(Toledo, OH)—Mick Rogers has the thankless job of unclogging drains, capturing rodents, and fixing leaks throughout your apartment complex, and has done so for years without a single curse or complaint.

So who can blame him for sneaking into your home with his master key and smelling your wife’s lingerie while both of you are at work?

“I don’t really have a preference—clean or dirty are both fine by me,” remarked Rogers about his peculiar fetish. “Although I must say, vacation panties are my favorite—I love rummaging through a suitcase, getting a snoot-full, and then putting everything back just the way I found it.”

Rogers takes great pride in knowing that you’ve never caught him wandering half-naked through your third-floor loft.

“I’ll tell ya, I fight the urge to raid the fridge on a constant basis,” Rogers intoned. “Today was particularly tough, too, since last night was spaghetti and meatballs. Shit smelled good. But I have to tell myself: ‘Mick, you’re here for panties, friend, and don’t you forget that.’ I find it helps if I talk to myself out-loud, even when no one’s around.”

Surprisingly, Rogers’ superiors have little suspicion about his daily activities, and are blissfully unaware of his craven sexual desires.

“Rogers is a stand-up kinda guy,” boomed Jake Evans, the site manager for your apartment complex. “I don’t envy him one bit—last Tuesday he had to unclog a john in apartment 305, and like, 19 Salvadorians live in that joint. He had to burn his clothes afterwards to get rid of the smell. The man’s a goddamn hero in my eyes.”