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8/18/2006

Local Bowler Looks Forward to New Season

Stoned bowling afficianadoLeft: Jazubowski can't wait for fall leagues

(Toledo, OH) Local bowling afficianado Nathan "Nappy" Jazubowski says that the summer leagues have "totally blown dick," and that he looks forward to the return of the local fall bowling season.

"No doubt - the summer brings out the worst sort of bowlers," he said, rolling a joint as he spoke with Toledo Tales reporters. "You got your divorced dads with wild-ass kids, your drunken teenagers, and your angry-looking black dudes who look like they want to shoot you dead. No sir - summer bowling is not my favorite."

Worse yet, said Jazubowski, the food service at local establishments has been "über-lousy."

"At Imperial Lanes they haven't even got a snack bar girl most nights, and the shoe guy has to take care of cooking your french fries," he said, shaking his head. "Sorry - the thought of sweat socks and hot dogs just doesn't cut it, homey."

Smoking potLeft: Jazubowski gets ready for the tenth frame in a recent summer league match

Jazubowski's complaints have fallen on deaf ears, he said.

"The worst part is the owners just don't give a shit what happens in the summer, since business is so bad in the bowling alleys," he said, finishing off his fat spliff and letting out a deep exhale. "They take our money from the fall and spring, and go on vacation someplace, leaving their pimply-faced, inbred nephews to run the joints. As a year-round paying customer, I expect a little bit more, you know?"

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