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8/04/2006

Miscarriage, Dark Secret Find Solace in Family Garden

garden solace By Billy Pilgrim, Toledo Tales Rogue Editor

(Toledo, OH)—After two months of foreboding silence, Rachel Halloway, 16, and her parents are back to their old selves thanks to their award-winning backyard garden in Ottawa Hills.

Sources close to the Halloways say that Rachel’s dating and car privileges were mysteriously cut off in February of this year, and her interracial relationship with a varsity baseball player was all but squashed.

“We’re so glad to have everything back to normal now,” regarded Tina Halloway, Rachel’s mother, who works as a consultant at a local accounting firm. “Did you know it was spring? Everything blooms and buds this time of year. Everything except our daughter, of course—she’s still a virgin, and just lost about ten pounds.”

happy familyLeft: Smile, and forget

Rachel’s father Thomas shared his wife’s seasonal reinvigoration.

“I love the outdoors, especially the patch of earth behind our big oak,” beamed Mr. Halloway. “Sometimes late at night I go shovel the earth just for the fun of it, and think about Rachel going to an Ivy League school. And wearing size 4 jeans. No pudge on my girl, no sir.”

# posted by Subcomandante Bob : 10:48 PM
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