.comment-link {margin-left:.6em;}

9/15/2006

Junk Mail Gives Meaning to Life of Local Shut-In

Old woman who is a shut-in By Billy Pilgrim, Toledo Tales Rogue Editor

Left: Jessup at home

Myrtle Jessup lost her reason to live last May when her husband of 47 years, Ezra, surrendered in his hard-fought battle with leukemia.

Or so she thought.

For weeks, she moped around her small Toledo apartment, desperately craving the hard-sell of a telemarketer or the shameless proselytizing of Jehovah’s Witnesses on her doorstep.

Thankfully, Jessup’s salvation came in the form of local junk mail and sales flyers, which started to grace her mailbox earlier this summer and now constantly replenish her self worth.

“It’s God’s will that I’m on these mailing lists now,” beamed Jessup, thumbing through a stack of amateurish vouchers from B.K.’s Car Wash on Lagrange. “I saved 72¢ on seedless grapes last week at Kroger. With savings like that, I could bear the death of my only granddaughter — and good riddance. That little hussy hasn’t called since Christmas.”

Junk mailLeft: Great deals as well as being a lifeline

Indeed, Jessup’s favorite part of the day is her slow, disjointed shuffle from her doily-slathered sitting room to check what the postman may have left her.

“Sometimes when I watch the birds outside my bedroom window, I think of Ezra…how he’s left me here, struggling alone,” sputtered Jessup. “But then I think of the mail, and how today could be the day I get a coupon for a free Frosty. So it all balances out.”

Comments: Post a Comment

Links to this post:

Create a Link



<< Home
Copyright 2007, Toledo Tales ® . Unauthorized duplication prohibited, but feel free to link away. This is a satirical newspaper, and many of these stories are fictional. You have to guess which ones are faked. Toledo Tales ® uses invented names in its stories, except when public figures are being satirized, or when we post a real story. Any other use of real names is accidental and coincidental. Subcomandante Bob once got jiggy with your mom, and she does things in bed that would shock you, dude. The content of this website is the property of Toledo Tales ® and its authors, and may not be reprinted or retransmitted in whole or in part without the expressed written consent of the publisher. Toledo Tales ® is not designed for readers under 18 years of age. FAIR USE NOTICE: This site contains copyrighted material the use of which has not always been specifically authorized by the copyright owner. We are making such material available in our efforts to advance understanding of environmental, political, human rights, economic, democracy, scientific, and social justice issues, sustainable development, environmental, community and worker health, democracy, public disclosure, corporate accountability, and social justice issues, mostly because hot college women are also interested in the same issues. Go figure. Anyways, we believe this constitutes a "fair use" of any such copyrighted material as provided for in section 107 of the US Copyright Law. In accordance with Title 17 U.S.C. Section 107, the material on this site is distributed without fee or payment of any kind to those who have expressed a prior interest in receiving the included information for research and educational purposes, except when you are using it to get laid. If you wish to use copyrighted material from this site for purposes of your own that go beyond 'fair use', you must obtain permission from the copyright owner.

This page is powered by Blogger. Isn't yours?