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11/22/2006

Local Dog Pissed that Thanksgiving Dinner is at the In-Laws

Black dog of mixed ancestry (Toledo, OH) Hopper, a local canine of uncertain ancestry, is "severely bummed" that his owners are traveling to the Cleveland area for Thankgiving dinner.

"What kind of jacked-up, warmed-over bullshit is that?" he asked Toledo Tales reporters. "Thanksgiving is the one day I don't have to eat those dried bone meal pellets you people call 'food,' and now you yank even that way from me."

Hopper fondly reminisced about last year's Thanksgiving dinner.

"Oh yeah, I was eating like it was my full-time job - I got at least three platefuls of food from stuff the grandchildren were slipping me under the kid table," he said, licking his chops. "And when I jumped on the counter and snatched half a turkey carcass, I was in heaven. At least, until [owner] Phil kicked me hard in the ass and yelled 'bad dog.' But it was worth it, dude."

Thanksgiving Day dinnerLeft: The delicious meal in which Hopper will not be entering full-scale mooch mode

Hopper said that he plans a "total guerilla campaign" in the house while the family is gone.

"Let there be no misunderstanding - I will shred garbage all over the house, chew on the legs of the dining room table, and plant a huge turd right by the front door," he threatened. "I have been dealt a terrible hand by Fortuna, and you bastards will pay. Big time."

Comments:
Glad to see that Hopper isn't bitter. On the whole, I think he's taking the news quite well.
 
Hopper's a bitch.
 
Hopper articles are the best!!!
 
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