Toledo Tales

(Toledo, OH) Former GOP fundraiser Tom Noe, convicted Monday of embezzling from a rare-coin investment fund in a scandal that destroyed the chances of Ohio’s Republican Party in last week's elections, said that he was looking forward to employing his skills as a political kingmaker in the state corrections system.

“I have spent my adult life running political organizations and winning political campaigns,” Noe told Toledo Tales. "I plan to build on my successes in the outside world to achieve success in the world of pen politics, especially as defined by the acquisition of many cartons of cigarettes."

The Ohio Bureau of Workers’ Compensation gave Noe $25 million in 1998, followed by another $25 million in 2001 to invest in rare coins. While Noe acknowledged he has some of that money "tucked away," he said he will not be taking any of it with him to prison.

“In the prison hierarchy you have to have a history of fighting and winning, in difficult circumstances, even while being outnumbered in many cases,” he said. “It is in precisely this environment that I excel, although I still have to figure out the whole shanking thing.”

Noe believes that he will be able to negotiate his way through the maze of gang affiliations in state prisons.

"Listen up - I totally understand the colors 'red' and 'blue,' and how power in a cell block can quickly shift," he said. "I see my job as helping a group like the Bloods maintain power, appeal to the electorate, and allocate committee assignments. Oh, and not killing me. That's also pretty important."

Left: Noe's sparsely-furnished office belies his grand designs.

Noe said he believes that prison politics to this point have run on "antiquated" principles.

"Gangs have to come together as a unified party. There can be no more factions and no more personal agendas and going off in a group and trying to work backroom deals," he said. "I'm a practical person. I think we have some challenges ahead of us, and solving prison problems is more important to me than any label, especially ones like 'fresh meat' and 'fine-ass whiteboy bitch.' That's just wrong, and it's dirty politics, and I refuse to sink to the level of my political opponents."