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12/26/2006

Holiday Sales "Best Ever" for Local Dope Man

Pharmaceutical rep "Piper," a local pharmaceuticals rep

(Toledo, OH) The 2006 holiday season was the "best ever" for the crew of a local dope man, peaking with more than 4 thousand orders placed by December 24.

"This far exceeded our wildest dreams," said an exuberant Piper, pausing to talk with Toledo Tales reporters. "As we head into 2007, we have the built some tremendous consumer momentum, and look forward to an even more profitable year."

Leading the holiday rush this year, said Piper, were crystal meth and heroin.

"Despite our projections, crank and smack users far outpaced the demand we anticpated," he said. "This resulted in quite a few tweaking shoppers, but we were able to negotiate some favorable deals with alternate producers to meet the high demand. We did have a couple of meth heads hanging around my Mom's house Friday night, but they behaved themselves and ate some ginger snaps until I showed up with the ice."

Crystal meth in ToledoLeft: Meth users helped drive holiday sales

Piper said that there was "considerable strength" in the addict sector this holiday season.

"Street-level dealers, their sales are up. They seem to be very strong and I think consumer confidence is up," he said. "Especially in the South Toledo, it appears the economy is back on track and there's a little bit more disposable income out there. Either that, or they have been stealing more TVs and DVD players than normal. Either way, the Piper-man has been rolling in the green. Keep calling, dudes!"

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Comments:
And who says there's no Toledo Pride?

Fuck y'all!
 
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