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Local Cop Misses Days of "Endless Ass-Kicking"

Left: Keeping the peace, 1960s style

(Toledo, OH) Local police officer Thaddeus Stepanski does not agree with recent efforts to reduce violent conflict with suspects.

"As far as I am concerned, nothing gets a suspect's attention quicker than a nightstick to the skull," said the 28-year veteran. "In the old days we could have a confession out of a suspect in thirty seconds, flat."

Stepanski said that his trademark method of getting a wild suspect under control involved his handcuffs.

"Not putting on the handcuffs - that came later," he said. "No, you put the cuffs across your knuckles and put a couple dozen diamond-shaped dents in a fucker's head, and then you cuff 'im."

Another techniques from a bygone era was the ubiquitous stairwell, said Stepanski.

"Anybody who was trouble on the fifth floor was a quiet little lamb by the first floor," he smiled. "There is something about falling down a couple flights of stairs that makes even the biggest punk shut right the hell up. Ah - if we could only return to the good old days."

"Ah - if we could only return to the good old days."

Yeah, instead of all of this PC bullshit.

(Hey Bob, I thought that you weren't gonna use real cops names...)
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