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12/23/2006

Local Swinger Decries "Straight-Laced" Church Members

Left: Misunderstood at Mass

(Toledo, OH) Ted Loffler doesn't consider himself paricularly "freaky," and he can't understand why the parishioners at St. Patrick's of Heatherdowns voiced such strenuous objections to his presence at the Catholic church.

"I've worn provocative clothing to church like, twice, but these people apparently have memories like elephants," he said, polishing his boots. "I mean, What Would Jesus Wear if he wanted to strike up a conversation with a good-looking couple?"

Loffler said that church ushers "forcibly removed" him last week when he appeared in drag.

"It was completely tasteful, sort of a Bo Peep meets Laura Ingalls Wilder deal, complete with pigtails," he said. "What's so wrong with looking like a young belle on her way to Mass?"

Left: "Have you seen my sheep, ma'am?"

Loffler said that he may have to switch parishes if the situation does not improve soon.

"For a Church that allowed Popes to have illegitimate children they sure are tight-assed - sorry for the cussing," he apologized. "It's just that I have so much to give, and people keep shutting me out. If they would just spend a few minutes with me, they would find out I am really a nice guy who just wants to get it on with a hot husband-and-wife team. Is that really so sinful?"

Comments:
He's lucky they didn't arrest him.
 
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