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12/17/2006

Local Weed Man Offers Holiday Gift Suggestions

Guest editorial by "Piper," a local pharmaceuticals rep

Many of you are scrambling to find that perfect gift for that special someone. What you should be doing is calling the Piperman to take care of your holiday shopping needs.

Nothing says "Happy Holidays" like a half-ounce of Maui Wowie. Imagine the surprise on Cousin Nick's face when he opens what he thought was another stupid tie! Spark up, dude!

And for the Nervous Nellies in your family, be sure to hook them up with a couple dozen Valium. Even better, slip a few in the old egg nog for a laid-back holiday, even in a room full of the most tight-assed people around.

Heroin stashWe've got all sizes, colors, and dosages for every addict on your list

For your fashion-conscious relatives, be sure to check out our lines of designer drugs. It ain't a night of clubbing without a little Ecstasy, ketamine, or some retro LSD as you dance the night away.

Finally, if you're not sure exactly what drugs that loopy uncle of yours is on, just stick a $50 bill and my number on a scrap of paper (419-DOPEMAN). If there's one thing that an addict is happy to see it's hard, cold, spendable cash.

Oh, and a Merry Christmas to you and yours this holiday season!

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