Toledo Tales

Guest editorial by Elias Baumgartner, retiree

I think all this talk of who said what and how they said it is just a bunch of mass-debating.

And, of course, we know that mass-debating is wrong because the Church says so, and Onan paid with his life. You should have just left it in there Onan and got the job done!

However, we have to be realistic. We know that people will not stop mass-debating, but I think people should at least stop mass-debating in public and get in touch with their real feelings, because we know that mass-debating only leads to other things. You know what I'm talking about, things like simple-minded pap that has no intellectual or political value!

If we all simply stopped mass-debating in public we would be able to see things clearly. We would no longer see our political leaders as just objects to satisfy our lustful desire for safety, security, and an escape from personal responsibility.

That is why I support a Constitutional amendment banning all public mass-debating, except in the case of the life of the mother. If fact, I believe that all mass-debating should be only between a man and a woman--and, that the Constitution should be modified to protect this practice.

I support a referendum to provide public monies for mass-debating, but only in the home. This will be known as the "Faith-Based Mass-Debating Initiative" or FBMDI. If everything works as I envision it every one in every home will soon be mass-debating in the privacy of their own homes while thinking about our government. This is how it has always been and this is how it should always be.

You rotten bastards - where did you put my Preparation-H? Don't think I don't see you over there laughing your asses off at an old man. God have mercy on your soul, because I won't.