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Opinion: Do You Like My Package, or Is My Fly Undone?

Guest editorial from Patrick Yeagher, public servant and stare recipient

No offense, but you are like the tenth person in as many minutes to be ogling my crotch. I'm starting to get a little weirded out here, what with all these people looking down there in the general vicinity of my crown jewels and stuff.

What I want to know is this: Do you just like my package, or - God forbid - is my fly undone?

Now, there was a day in the not-too-distant past when there would be no question. I once was the dandy of Gamma Chi, with sweet things from Boston so young and willing and all that. But, after turning 40 and putting on a few pounds, it could be that the extra attention my crotch is getting has nothing to do with being hung like a horse, and everything to do with looking like an idiot.

You see, I hesitate to look, because when the first six or seven people that went by were staring at my crotch, I just assumed it was because I am so studly.

But now I'm getting worried, and I'm afraid to look, because I'll look like a bigger retard if I am staring down at my own Johnson. So, is it my package, or is my fly undone?

The suspense is killing me here.

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