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Opinion: If You Didn't Ask Me So Many Damned Questions, I Wouldn't Have to Lie to You

Guest editorial by Hank Freeman, defensive spouse

From the time the alarm clock buzzes, jarring me out of bed after a long night, until my weary head hits the pillow again in the evening, it's nothing but questions from you.

It's "Where were you till 3:00 am?" and "Is that whiskey on your breath?" and "Why does a phone number from someone named Sarah keep showing up on the caller ID?" all fucking day long.

And really - if you didn't ask me so many damned questions, I wouldn't have to lie to you.

It's pretty simple, actually. If you don't like when I lie, then don't ask a question that's just about guaranteed to elicit one of those big, fat whopping lies I am known for.

I think it's safe to say that all of this is your problem, not mine. There wouldn't be any lying - none at all - were it not for your obsession with asking me such stupid questions.

But no - you just HAVE to ask me shit like "Is this crack pipe yours?" or "Do you know how I might have wound up with chlamydia?" If you'd just shut the hell up, we'd get along fine.

Labels: , , ,

good year
I've been in that house.
I recognize the bank of windows.

And I agree with the man on this.
We ask too many questions
we really do not want
the answer to.
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